In each of our lives, we have a point in life which we stand in a pivot of time, a pause where ‘what is’ and ‘what will be’ is determined in this moment. For me, this was when I was 17 years old. I made a very distinct decision to stay on this planet. With all of my suffering I endured, I believe the tree people are what kept me here. I loved trees. I simply could not leave them. They were my connection on earth. I will never forget that moment. I vowed that I would do whatever it took to stop the cycle of abuse in my family. And over the next 28 years I have made every attempt to find my way. It seems that the road blocks were endless. For every mountain I climbed, I’d fall down. When does this get easier? Yes, there are moments where the windows are wide open and the fresh air comes in. What a relief those moments are! However, they just never felt like I was getting anywhere. Where is it that I am trying to get? What am I avoiding? How do I find something that I don’t know the map to. This road map that I am doing is really the simplest one. “What would someone do if they loved themselves?” Finding self love is the ONLY work I am here to do. Whew…what a relief! Because nothing else seems to be working.
I have made a choice and this life is mine to make. I call that a miracle. For everyone that knows my history and my family, they have all been amazed that I have made it as far as I have. (And I really mean that). The darkness and disconnect I have walked, I am forever grateful to be here and ready to get up and try again. I get to watch my children grow and I get to change the generational DNA of my family heritage and the lives of my boys have parenting that heals and loves and thrives. I am learning day by day. June 2nd was my first day of a 6 week course in parenting (Behavioral Emotional Understanding with Hand and Hand Parenting, Patty Wipfler is the founder of this program and I am so excited to learn from such a genuine and graceful person). I get to learn the RIGHT way to parent to create a healthy family and to learn how to keep myself from all the triggers that suck me in and keep me from loving and living and enjoying. I get to find what real love is. Something I never had growing up. I call that grace.
What was a defining moment you had in your life? Share in the comments something that really changed the direction of your life.