What is considered success?
Isn’t this what so many people seek to learn? Dozens of books are written to claim they hold the key . If it was that clear, we’d all be “there” by now, right?. What defines success? Who defines success? Your external world or your internal world? I believe as we grow up, we learn that our external world defines success for us. Grades in school, jobs, money, cars we drive, houses we buy, friends we have….all of this external world is a way to define our success. But who’s doing the defining? If we are lucky enough, we will catch this and seek to change it. Some people may be just lucky enough to have been born into a home that identifies internal success – Who we are on the inside. If not, hopefully at some point in your life, you will identify with where and what success means for you. And it’s always changing as we change, expand and grow. My wish today is that everyone that reads this, looks and finds this answer within them. Today is the beginning of what I can see as change. My awareness is defining me right now and I get to choose the path. And of course, as always, I am choosing the path less traveled.
There are so many parts that must come together to define success. It is like a woven tapestry, it isn’t created overnight. A foundation needs to be made, a path to follow, lots of practice and observing ones strenghs and weaknesses so one can deliberately create this picture in ones minds. Becoming authentic, becoming present with “what is”, flowing downstream- free from resistance and letting go of our habits takes practice. It really requires courage and a strong desire for change. One may even believe it to be a burning desire to make really big leaps and bounds for change. Or perhaps one could just have blind faith and find an unexpected miracle in their life, bringing success… but my hunch would be the ground work was laid somewhere.
Putting a square peg into a round hole will never bring you what you want. You must identify the square pegs in your life in order for the tapestry of your dreams to be woven. I am one step closer today because I just learned a very valuable lesson about myself. I discovered my basic foundation is not what I thought it was.
I just listened to a Jack Canfield
interview yesterday. He is the author of all the “Chicken Soup for the Soul” and “The Success Principals”. He was full of stories that he shared with all the world in Louise Hay’s Mountain Summit 2013
. There was a lot of inspiration coming from Jack. Many that I could identify. One topic he relayed was about working with a coach. His coach asked if he takes 100% responsibility for his daily experiences. As he described what this meant I could understand that my taking responsibility was not even in the same playing field, to my surprise. I learned many years ago about how we enroll people. How what happens to us is a perception of our minds view and how we hook others at validating our view. It’s hard accepting what happens to us as our creation. However, today I learned more.
I took a look at his book and the first chapter was on this topic. Taking 100% responsibility for your life. In Jack’s view , taking responsibility also means no more excuses, no more complaining and no more blaming. Seriously, hard stuff to do. I’ve been reflecting on his words. He says you can create a life or you can allow it to happen to you. Being responsible for everything means you buck up and own your thoughts. You choose to create satisfaction instead of complaints. He explains how everyone and everything is a reference point to our world view. If I am going to do this challenge for self love for a whole year, that means my commitment is pretty high. So what does success look like for me? What do I want out of this? If a habit generally can change in 30 days why continue for a year.
As I’ve mentioned, I want the habit so strong that at the end of the year, I no longer have to ask the question. I will become self love if I have done the work. If I choose to create my moments to mean something instead of not caring. There are a lot of hours in a day. A lot of thoughts and a lot of time to practice. Success is not about what my goal at the end of a year is. Today, I realized success is my day to day trials and tribulations. Some days momentum takes over and I feel like I am just mean to my kids. I’m overtired, I’m tender or overwhelmed and my choices are turned into my daily screw ups. After 38 days, I can see in order for me to succeed my goal, my level of thoughts need an emotional coach. Asking “What would someone do if they love themselves?” is just NOT enough. A second voice needs to manifest here. I need an emotional trainer to get me to move through my fears, resistance and all the blame, excuses and complaining. Our mental habits or ego…(inner critics especially) are SO STRONG we will end up creating more excuses, derail, complain and prevent us from succeeding. Whatever the “IT” you are trying to do. Ego has a lot at stake here. Just like an exercise trainer, I now have to apply the same technique with my thoughts. My most effective one is, “You don’t have to like it, you just have to do it.” For me, it is the same, buck up girl, get it done that I have to apply for exercising.
I just love so many of Jack’s examples. One particular quote was “You can’t have someone else do your push ups, you have to do them yourself.” You can’t lose weight unless you eat less calories or exercise. Noone can do this for me. If I am to live a life of self love then I have to overcome my fears. The blame game stops here. For I know all about magical thinking, creating new thoughts and such. But what I have forgotten is that my cellular make up is still carrying these emotional charges about what I believed happened to me and because of that, I find I still fall short and blame….and shame….and judge….and use all sorts of excuses why I can’t overcome this. All very compassionate reasons, but if I want to make such a leap of faith into this, I have to change my thoughts. I have to practice daily affirmations recreating a new tapestry. One that weaves the beauty I want. I can do this. On the interview, he talked about ‘The Secret’. One of the phrases he lives by is “Ask, Believe, Receive”. So here I am. Recognizing that my first step in overcoming my fears is to Ask. I have to ask for help. I have to reach out and ask for support when I need it. I have to take what I am learning in my parenting class and I have to get a listening partnership ( a person that allows you to be heard with all the stuff I accumilate in parenting, in childhood the triggers the “stuff” that just has to come out of my limbic system. You might say but I’m focusing on the “suffering” again. I am not. It’s called relesing the grief. It is what I have been carrying for so long. I am not asking the other person to fix me. They do not see me as broken. They listen with warmth and non judgement. They allow me to be me with my warts and all, knowing I am already whole. Releasing this not only frees me up immensley, but it frees me up to be there to listen to my children when they cry and have a tantrum. It allows me to aid my children in a healthy emotional life where it’s ok to feel these big emotions. I am learning they are ok. I am ok. In so doing, I will be able to soar into more and more success of self love. That is a beautiful gift I can give to me and my family….and the world. I’m ready to spread my wings. I am ready to change.