From time to time, I hear there is another story to be shared about my past. It isn’t anything that I am scared of, but it is worth telling to show just how powerful we are as humans.
When I was 9, I found I would walk alone in the woods across from my house. I lived on a dead end street with a trail that was named “stinky lane”. Skunk cabbage grew yearly there, and the smell of course is much like that of a skunk…I imagine that is why the name took.
I found these walks quite magical because I got to sing out loud and be me. It was so freeing to be able to just let myself be who I am. I often would day dream about running in the fields of flowers. Plucking the petals off one by one and jumping and skipping. Being completely consumed in what one would appear as self love. It was a joyful time seeing myself in such beauty. I really loved my walks.
Unfortunately, they were always done alone. It was a lonely path I lived. I connected with the trees and the birds and other critters. They kept me company. But oh how I longed for that belonging in my “real” world. Never did I feel safe in my home. Never did I receive comfort. How is it the human spirit is unbreakable? How did I endure? How is it that my spirit remained unbreakable?
And yet, the pain of feeling abandoned swallowed me up. Or did I swallow it and do everything I could to be seen, to be heard, to be loved? Now at a time in my life that I can look back at so much, it’s hard to know where to even start. Where to say I love you Shakti.
When I ask “What would someone who loves themselves do?”, I hear ‘It’s Time’. It’s time to open. It’s time for forgiveness.
When we stop holding on and clinging to anything, we realize we have everything. We no longer need to feel burdened by the responsibility of having to hold on to something. I have read and heard that it takes no strength to let go….only courage.
My faith, my belief in myself and my honesty of accepting my past is here. I am looking at it straight on. I see it is my next step. Forgiveness is another key to my own happiness. It ends the illusion of separation. My separation of self, my separation of fears and not belonging. My need to please, and my need to hide. None of this is ‘Who I am’. May my miracle be here. May I let go. May I laugh, play, relax and love… just because. That is enough. I am enough. I am beautiful.
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