Isn’t that the crap we were dished as young people? Isn’t that the tone of voice we were given if we “behaved”.
“Good girls get what they want. They deserve it.”
Or is that a lie? Deep inside, you know it’s not true. Deep inside you know you are a bad girl, but you ask the world to see you as good.
It’s time to come clean. It’s time to shake off the shame and start treating yourself like “Someone who deserves to be loved.” What? Did you not think you were being watched? Do you feel caught? I thought so. It’s time you fess up and be willing to look at what deserving looks like. It’s time to show up. It’s time to make magic.
It may sound like I’m talking to everyone else, but really I am talking about myself. I grew up with a very big shadow of “I’m a bad girl”. In fact when I did much of my shadow work 18 years ago, I couldn’t believe how deep my “I’m bad” went. If you have ever seen the movie “Being John Malkovich”, remember when they went through the crazy rooms at the end and there was a room with a little boy in a rocker just rocking back and forth reciting “I’m bad, I’m bad, I’m bad” over and over? Nothing else in the room and just the boy and the rocker. There are times I feel that was me. I created a really rich life of suffering there. As much as I want to believe I am healed from that, I still feel I get kicked in the butt to remember I’m not all the way there.
Deserving is an aspect of this. Getting what I want means, I have to believe I’m worthy of having it. Getting what I want means I have to believe I am willing to allow good things to come to me. Getting what I want means I have to trust that I’m safe to receive it. And their lies the hook. The positive intention for me and my ridiculous inability to heal completely on my deserving would be “the hook”. The blasted hook of “it keeps me safe”. UGGH!
Now that I have seen the positive intention, it’s time to allow a new thought. A new belief. One that matches with “What would someone who loves themselves do?” And so I ask, how would someone who loves themselves allow themselves to deserve all good things and for things to go right?
Walking hand in hand with my own assumptions, I am free to grow, expand, receive and live. I embrace the deserving and I let my heart guide me all the way.
After I wrote that, I had a really big opening. I opened up to see what was really going on. There were many pieces to this, but the biggest one was my experience growing up. My dad was an Indian giver. He’d give me all sorts of things that were great and then take them away from me. At some point in my life, I must have decided that it wasn’t worth it anymore. In seeing clearly, I can release my negative thoughts on this (because I understood what the positive intentions were and what it provided for me). I felt like I REALLY unhooked what was running the show. I am now really able to make choices that support me fully while sitting on my new summit view. I purified so much after writing this page that I am once again, lighter and definitely at peace. Transformation can be quick and relatively painless. I think I just had a headache after crying it all out, but I rejoice in the tears because I am now filled with so much more joy. What a miracle! What a gift for my family and for me.
This is a very good video to watch. I saw it after I posted this. It has a good exercise to get a taste of what we deserve. Give it a go. You have everything to gain.