“I want you to feel joy, so together we will learn to be vulnerable.”
Shedding the inside layers of pain. Revealing or shall I say stripping away the hurts that build up around the heart like callouses.
There’s a reason they are there. Who will love me if I open that up? Who will hold me? Letting myself feel this deep grief doesn’t make any sense because all I am is shame. My life was based in shame.
My mom’s life is based in shame. Generation after generation of shame. It has to end! I am not here to carry the crap from my ancestors. Healing my heart takes so much trust. I don’t even know where to begin.
There has to be a door of self-love or joy of freedom to so much grief. The fight to remain disconnected or connected. The fight to allow grace or to remain isolated and alone. Hide or be seen. There has to be more than this.
There has to be relief!
Relief is neutral. It doesn’t shame you more or judge you or hurt you. Relief is just a door to making peace with the hurt, making peace with the mind. Our stories are endless. Our stories keep us cyclic and burn us up. Our stories keep us fighting instead of looking for freedom.
Giving birth sucks. But the relief and joy afterwards are so rewarding. Giving birth to a new me is certainly a worthy cause but the pain of being seen or pain of feeling deep shame is catastrophic in the moment.
Am I abandoning my stories, or am I making new ones? Am I forgetting them or have I integrated them like a tree which shows the years of their stories as “scars”? Am I toughened up or do I stay soft and vulnerable? Am I able to move on in strength or do I hide and put on a pretense?
We all face these aspects of life. We all carry our stories in our psyche. In our generations, in our lifetimes. We all move forward some how. Or do we?
What would someone who loves themselves do? They would pray. They would find help and reach out. They would find a way to be loving, to themselves, to others…in all of it.
So what does loving look like? It is dark and my soul seeks light. There must be a window somewhere. The truth is in my heart. The truth lives and breathes in my soul. I pray that I find relief in this moment.
Everything is impermanent. I will forget and move forward and another season will “toughen” me and I will remain hidden….but only in my dreams.
For I am awake now and the light has found me. And so has relief. I whisper to myself… “I made it.”
Here are 6 ways to Stepping in and Daring to Win.
Sometimes we just need a good cry. But we don’t know how to get there. If we are numb or if we are angry, we are preventing the flow of feelings to come. I have found that “allowing” myself to feel is a good step. I may have to write down all the things that I will allow. This keeps me from sticking it to myself and “believing” I am the assumptions I believe.
Writing is very powerful at getting movement out. Uncensored writing of just allowing whatever flows out. Let this guide you. Then whatever shows up, ask “How old are you?” And answer the question. Keep engaging with this part of you as if he/she is “real”…. because, newsflash…she/he is part of you. It’s as real as the part of you that exists now. So just go with it. It is very healing.
Look for the relief. Literally sit with yourself and look to see WHERE in your body feels good. It may be an elbow or a finger or a foot. Be present with this. It is a genuinely helpful exercise to free up the attachment we have to our suffering. Now breathe into that area that feels good. In through the nose and out through the mouth. Do this several times and then connect to that part that doesn’t feel good. You are creating a connection of “good” feeling information to connect with the area that isn’t feeling so good. Breathe with one hand on the good and one hand on the not so pleasant. Same in and out breath as above. This will bring some balance, and breath is always supportive of flow.
Pray. Say a prayer and ask for help. Ask for grace to enter into the situation. Sometimes all we have to do is remember to ask and we get what we want.
Go for a walk in nature. Connecting to our surroundings, like trees, water, sunlight, or even a field of flowers can bring a new perspective. Nature doesn’t judge. Nature fills the spirit by enabling the flow of breathing again. There’s something about being uplifted and inspired when we allow ourselves to be open to the beauty of our surroundings. The reflection goes inside and we start to believe we are beautiful again or connected again.
And of course, we can’t forget the famous question I am living and breathing everyday for a year. What would someone who loves themselves do? And whatever you hear, you do it. Take the step necessary to bring inspired action. Allow yourself to be brave in this moment. Courage is a sign of strength not weakness. Vulnerability is a positive thing. Do not belittle the power of these two energies. After all, we are hard wired for connection. It’s time that we live it, believe it and inspire others to do the same.
Please take a moment and share this on FB or Twitter or Pinterest. This message is for everyone. Be the messenger pigeon today and spread the love. Have a great day.