“Because THAT is what someone who loves themself does!”
The last month for me has had so many things I wanted to share, but everything is accelerating for me that I have literally not had any time to share! It has been a bit frustrating, but I am here now. Currently, I feel as if my life is undergoing a major transformation. I feel these large invisible hands living outside my home and rearranging everything so my life works the way I am asking for it.
We are currently at the tail end of spring break (my son has 2 weeks in April off) so that has also made my time limited here.
To sum up the last few weeks….
As I walked into some really big purposes that you will find out shortly, I have never felt so complete and deeply purposeful. AT the same time, my personal life definitely felt like my soul was dying, and then I launched my artist website the day after. The night of a very emotional morning, we had a visiting Tibetan Doctor (Paltul Rinpoche) and I was in the hot seat for my time with him. I would not call it a “lecture” but it was. He reminded me how loving kindness is the most important thing. He reminded me about patience, tolerance and having my mind in check when it comes to my anger. It was not easy to listen to what I already know but have chosen to not practice. It was really hard to watch the thoughts of shame I was encountering within. Maya Angela always says, “When you know better, you do better.” and yet, it seems somewhat impossible when I am in it.
A few days later my other friend I support as a Tibetan Doctor was visiting me. She is very gifted, her name is Dr. Nashalla Nyinda. She had just finished taking a Tibetan Geomancy refresher class (a fancy kind of Feng Shui that has great power in it) and she spent the week rearranging my house. First with the bedroom to bring harmony and peaceful sleep. It was noticeable that night and every night since. Then the entire downstairs was completely rearranged as it was all not working for me apparently. The front of the house, the colors, every part of my home had some kind of protection, rearranging, or change.
After she left, I spent a few days painting the kitchen, the laundry room, the bathroom….all a color I never would have chosen. It’s called Mountain Mist. It is cooling off all the fire we apparently have in the house. I feel the groundedness, I feel the peace in it. Even the curtains I bought are a robin egg blue and has made a difference on grounding the energy for me.
My husband and I entered into couples counseling together last weekend. The external part of my home is reflecting all the internal changes that have occurred and that are showing how important it is to look at something new. We have been married 15 years and I am just now learning that he doesn’t think he’s ever been able to meet my needs because he doesn’t exactly know what they are. I find this fascinating. Truly. In investigating it with more and more woman, I am hearing the same message over and over, that men don’t understand what women’s needs are. Is this true? I just thought it was a Shakti thing and my husband. But really, the bottom line is always the same. Do I matter? Do you care enough about me to be my witness in life? Are you willing to connect with me as I walk my path and you walk your path. There’s so much here to chat about, but I will save it for a separate blog post.
What really fascinates me are the supporters that are showing up in my life right now. Angela Montano has a program called Rethink Prayer. She is a living breathing prayer wheel in my opinion. She is brilliant and has the most tender loving nature. Her words speak through me in every layer. My biggest “THING” that I can see that has been getting in my way for self-love is I have lost my “FAITH in LOVE”. So as I am stepping out more and more on to bigger platforms, I am recognizing that my question of What would someone who loves themselves do, has become “BECAUSE that is what someone who loves them self does!” And that for me, is claiming love. I am saying, I am willing to have faith in change. I am willing to give my fears over to a bigger power and say “I can do this” because that IS what someone who loves them self does.
As I say yes to being “brave and scared” at the same time, as I say yes to “Faith in Love” and as I say yes to “It’s ok for me to be myself”, my life is accelerating and showing up in ways that require me to stay strong, and hold on. My thoughts of how I handle things are clearly different.
I am embarking in Part 2 of Brene Brown’s e-course of The Gifts of Imperfection and absolutely thrilled to know how far I have come. I can see as the layers of shame have fallen away, my ability to accept myself for who I am are expressing more. I still have extremes going on and I am still quite emotional at times, but this is part of who I am. I can accept that. Learning new ways of communicating, learning new tools for cultivating and practicing them are becoming my “normal” way of thinking now. Such an amazing foundation to share. I really have many things to share and write, however there is only one brain in my head and the push I am doing to finish a project to share for my one year anniversary is taking much of my time. I will do my best to post inspiring things for the next few weeks. 🙂 This is an amazing time for me. Very profound. I look forward to my one year up date, my offerings I have at that time will be very clear as well. Or mostly done. My guides are all telling me it had to be done like “yesterday”….and I just remind them all, I do have small children! They just smile at me and are patient.