Tag Archive | ego

The Power of Love

spiral picture quote

Isn’t it amazing when all the signs of life line up just right. Your love emanates and you just are. Trying to get to it outside of yourself makes us crazy. Love is something that you have to embody in order to be it. It’s not something that you can find outside of yourself.

My recent trip to Maui in Hawaii was just that. I was aligned to my core essence. I was what I believe to be an embodiment of divine love. I felt like a living prayer wheel. I have never had an experience that transported me out of my “now” self and plunked me into a new “now” self instantaneously. One that had a vibration turned up so high, that I literally couldn’t be anything else other then love itself.

What’s amazing is what really happened. The veils of perception had an opportunity to be cleaned. I am still who I am. It’s just the belief of who I was has been cleared. The concept of understanding that when you are in your power, you are “Love in Action” and when you give your power away, you are a “Phantom in Action”. What is a phantom? A phantom is the illusion of being someone.  Be it your beliefs or the illusion of being someone else maybe or not even being present. Our egos are definitely living phantoms.

Make a choice today to embody love and be love in action. That is true power.



Painting- Spiral of Life.  Purchase your print here.


Creating Life….

Butterfly 2

“When you hold on to your history, you do so at the expense of your destiny.”

Bishop T.D. Jakes

I just love this quote. It pretty much sums up what I am doing. When we have spent a lifetime defining ourselves from our story, we limit ourselves. Breaking out of this allows one to unfold and discover just how much energy is freed up for you to create. Create your life. Creative expression comes out in a million different ways for everyone. When you let the history go, you are free to create. Free to be and do anything. You have the passion, the drive and the energy to move in any way you want to. Isn’t that worth its weight in gold? Why would you choose anything else.

I know the ego wants to believe and have justice for whatever it is that you are holding on too. Sometimes, all we can do is take baby steps. But with each baby step you take in creating and expressing yourself as you are right now, without the story, you allow life and its mystery’s to live through you.

This morning I witnessed a lot of emotions wanting to surface. It really did not matter what the story was. The emotions wanted to be released. My mind gets really unsettled when stuff wants to bubble up and out in overwhelming ways. So I made every effort to allow it while creating and expressing. I put on my favorite music and for 3 ½ hours I painted. I allowed myself to be nourished by the music, by the colors and by just being present with what is.

I love watercolors. I love that spring wants to emerge out of me. And I love that I found a way to connect with what comforts me while working out the releases. Nothing bad happened, I found myself feeling the music and creating what needed to be expressed without the story. It was powerful. I am thankful that I was able to have this time to myself.  Here is what I made.

Butterfly 3


9 Months into this and Definitely Birthing a new Me


Like with all newborns, life is growing, developing and becoming who we inherently are. Let my rebirth allow such joy and freedom as part of my existence.”

Funny how it never really crossed my mind when I started this year commitment that there would be a significant change at 9 months….as if I was birthing myself. It just never crossed my mind. And yet, I would say some kind of transformation took place the last month. Some kind of metamorphosis took place and so even though I don’t feel transformed, I know I am transforming.

Deeper inside (as in looking at myself from the outside in), I  see the multi-layers of my mental thinking. Externally (in my mind) I appear weaker and more exhausted and still needing the rest from the last month of sickness (others around me see something totally different I am sure of that).  However, deep inside I feel clearer. I feel aligned and I feel stronger and even lighter. It’s such a weird thing to witness.

What I feel is happening has to do with my ego shedding. The external represents all of that. The ego is experiencing so much contrast and the heaviness and emotions and fears and all its wants to keep me held back.   I think January was about my life completely unraveling.  All the threads.  The inner mind is aware of what is happening and my guidance system is working really well. I was talking with a friend yesterday about how as I have been painting I have been losing weight. Some of the weight loss was from my fever bouts where I couldn’t eat, but after I got back on track, my appetite changed. I am less hungry. It crossed my mind that I am feeding and nourishing myself/ my soul at a real “aligned” place and I believe it is giving me what I need. Because of this, I am less hungry. I am still eating and I still get hungry, but I think I have found a difference (a balance) between real hunger and the habit of eating.  

It is so hard to know whether or not all these changes and getting sick have to do with the new year and the new energies that come with the year of the wood horse. Or if it is really from all the personal growth and birthing after 9 months of my commitment. What I know for sure is, I have accelerated my personal growth to a point that my soul has expanded to a place that my body is no longer capable of sustaining without some form of integration. The battle between the drive to move forward and live my purpose and the fear that holds me back from my past is evident. So here I am. This is what has brought me to therapy. (At least one of the reasons.). I must find the stamina, the practice and the momentum to integrate this into my body. My intellect has hit a place of “too much input” and I don’t want any more until I can release and move and sustain what I have.

I have been told that exercising/moving my body is a must to integrate all of this. My response is always the same…that it always makes me cry a lot. It’s always been an issue. Doctors look at me with three heads. Friends look at me without any compassion. And years go by with starting and stopping exercise routines, so often because the emotions that come with the movement tend to be over the top. Frankly it’s not fun. Who wants to go for a walk when all it does is bring tears. My acupuncture the other day said something really profound about this. She said, then make it my practice. If it takes 5 months to get past all the tears, then it means all of the stuff that is coming out in the form of tears is stored in my body. This is integrating. Uggh! For me though, it feels like a lifetime of tears that move out. That feeling when things feel “forever”. So my goal for this year is to embrace it.

In fact, my new affirmation that is bringing me much peace is “I now digest and assimilate my life’s lessons with grace and ease.” The bottom line is, it’s time for me to stop running from them. It’s time for me to stop fighting them. It’s time I accept the lessons, as it’s so crystal clear that they don’t go away. (As much as I wish they would.) They need to be digested, assimilated, and integrated into me. And so, I started painting them. Yes, what better way than for me to visually see the truth through colors and let it nourish me that way. I have 6 life lessons that I see.  Loving myself, Listening (whether it’s listening to myself or others, I am not clear yet. Both make sense), opening up, receiving joy, letting go and being present. These are my lessons that have shown up throughout my life. Perhaps there is one word to describe several of them, but this is how I heard it. So I will paint each one and let the vibration of that be a compass of healing.  I started the listening one yesterday.  When I ask what it looks like, I heard “breathing space”.  

My journey of self discovery, my journey of integrating my physical body and my soul so inner peace resides and my journey of living authentically continue.  I will remind myself often that it’s the journey and not the destination.  So I will enjoy the ride.  

I pray that my work I am doing has the ability to help others undergo their own transformations. Sometimes it just feels comforting when we know we aren’t the only one going through these growing pains.  I have also updated my artwork on my blog under the tab of inspiration/art work if you haven’t seen it yet.  

The Way of the Warrior

Spiritual warrior

On you go, Relentless through the night.

A battle, a plague, a rich life of fear and pain.


Going to battle you say?  The ego wants to win.

Wake up!  Wake up!  Don’t be fooled.  The trickster is tricking you again!


Wake up!  Master Master look around.  Life is what you make it.

Great beauty surrounds us.  Great bliss imbues us.  It’s all for the taking right now!


Become a warrior- Wake up! Wake up!  Do not let ego win.  There is much to be done.  The world welcomes you on your journey.  We are all walking home.



Copyright Aug. 2013.  All rights reserved.