Between the outward searching and the inward being is the unnoticed intersection that joins life together. Inviting love in is like bringing nourishment to your entire being. You can accept it or not. If not, then you’re disconnected and missing the boat. You get lost easily and find that you would rather numb out and eat and watch tv. That’s filling up your space for sure….but not the heart and not with the good stuff.
What allows us to fill up with the good stuff? Being willing to receive. But if we don’t invite people in, how do we get there? If we are disconnected, how do we connect? And does it get easier with practice or does it feel natural when we connect and just allow ourselves to open up?
I have spent much of my life in and out of connection and disconnection. Often on a daily and hourly basis. I have protected my heart for a very long time. Opening it up and allowing myself to FEEL love and invite it in from a receiving place was like poison black arrows being thrown at me. Or all those thorns on a rose bush keeping people out. It is very hard to know what is the “safe” thing to do when you don’t trust. When you resist life and when you fight showing up.
Living authentically takes a tremendous amount of courage. It takes a tremendous amount of being brave and allowing life to find you. Inviting loved ones in and accepting life. Forgiveness is part of this practice.
And there lies the key….it is a practice. Letting the small grow into bigger and bigger. Having more and more faith. Letting it grow everyday in every way. Finding the doors that say “Trust me” and then walking through.
What would someone who loves themselves do? Would they invite love into the heart? Of course they would. Would they believe they are safe and trust? You bet. So how does we take those first steps into allowing this kind of life? I guess, believing that anything is possible. Believing that we deserve love. Believing we are lovable. Loving ourselves first IS another key.
What we are looking for is already inside of us.
This is our red flag for us to see if we are disconnected. If we are looking outside to have someone fill us up, we are already disconnected. Remember that we are and always have been whole. We have everything we need. It’s all here right now. It’s just a matter of believing it or not. Loving oneself I can see is a process if you are new to this concept. For me, it is healing and integrating my hurts, my shame, my fears and my thoughts of lack. As I continue on this journey, I feel more alive. I feel more life loving me as I love more of life. However, those closest to you…those are the true tests. They are your perfect mirror and will continue to shadow you if you are not able to accept these parts of yourself. As you embrace these shadows, it will get easier and easier everyday to invite them in, to love them up and to receive them as if they “ARE” an aspect of yourself.
It’s all good. It’s all a work in progress. And I have all the time in the world to get it right. After all, I’m creating my own reality, right?
Listening to my story today. Wishing I could have done better. Small steps of successes with big regrets of anger. Wishing I could have done better. Feeling sorrow. Acceptance feels like a balm. Tomorrow I pick up my feet and look for more successes. They are always there. Washing my hands of the stains I made on my son today. Acceptance of what is. I will say prayers and wish more successes tomorrow. Breath in and out, I accept my actions. I allow for new choices tomorrow.