“Oh the tangled web we weave within. Grieving that which we can bear no longer. Connected to our truth we untangle what we can, when we can. There is no place for disconnect when we heal ourselves deep within. The only suffering that exists is in the mind that says we are abandoned and alone. We suffer through ignorance and lose our place when we numb ourselves to avoid our truth. What is our truth? The one who denies such truth is our enemy. But our enemies are our teachers. So in truth we suffer only to spare ourselves that which we believe we can not bear.”
February has been a very heart-felt month. Surrendering and humbled, I sit with my tears and feel once again the confusion between grief and suffering.
I once asked a dear friend of mine what she thought the difference between grief and suffering was. Her answer was profound and true. Grief has an end whereas suffering doesn’t. Through the years, I have witnessed this within myself. Almost always when the tears of grief shed, there will always come a place of closure. Even though it may feel uncomfortable, vulnerable, and out of control there will always come a moment where I move through the grief. I gain myself back and feel a sense of peace and even some inner light. Relief was given where pressure had built up to the point where a release was needed.
Suffering, in my experience always comes from a place of isolation, disconnect and abandonment (to oneself or with others). I often feel it is impossible to reach out to someone when I am crying through disconnect, as the suffering feels so isolating. Belonging and Connection are deeply desired within ourselves that if we don’t have it, we can experience such emotions through disconnect.
The only means that I know of to connect back when I feel I am in the loop of suffering is breathing and prayer. Recognizing that I am suffering is important because if I don’t ask if this is grief, I will cry and cry and cry feeling a deep loss within and without.
When we find ourselves facing difficult and emotional times, look to see if you are grieving or if you have decided to numb out through disconnect. We don’t do it intentionally, it can be out of habit and fear of experiencing our intense emotions. Giving ourselves permission to be human is very much a process of surrendering and acceptance of what is.
“What is” often feels like we are itching to get out of our skin. “What is” often feels like we want to run and hide.
However, “What is” is simply being present with what is. Acknowledging the emotions, acknowledging our pain or sadness so we can accept it. Acceptance brings truth to where we are in this moment. And in doing so, great healing takes place.
That is a miracle, in my opinion.
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365 Days...Expect a miracle * 